1000 Things To Do Before You Die: #69, #70

#69: Make a math mistake.

Accomplished: Tuesday, August 28, 2012.

No-credit: Your English versus metric error causes the Mars Climate Orbiter to crash (ahem: NASA).

Half-credit: While deciding which dorm room to choose, you calculate 9 x 12 = 98 square feet and so you take the 10 x 10 room because 100 square feet is bigger.

Extra-credit: Beloit College's room dimensions are listed incorrectly and the 10 x 10 room is much bigger than advertised and the 9 x 12 is considerably smaller.

#70: Get someone to say hello to you on the Terry Hershey hike and bike trail in Houston, Texas.

Accomplished: Wednesday, August 29, 2012.

No-credit: Temple Square in Salt Lake City, Utah.

Half-credit: She says hello, but realizes you're only a relay runner and retracts her kindness.

Extra-credit: First try.

My current record in near futility is 46... meaning I said hello to 46 people before I received any sort of response.  This same thing happened to me in Chicago with Scott Ostervik and Tom (Eaux)wenby.  The following picture is our interpretation of Chicago's "friendliness."  (The same picture could be taken in Houston.  Interchangeable friendliness.)

1000 Things To Do Before You Die: #68

#68: Have a first day of school.

Accomplished: Yes.  Latest first day on Monday, August 27, 2012.

Half-credit: Hat can't match your shoes because hats have been banned at your school.

Extra-credit: On your first day, former nun and 9th grade English teacher Pat Millerick has laryngitis and uses a mic and amp. (Did she have the amp turned to 11?)

1000 Things To Do Before You Die: #62 - #67

#62: Place a poster of Andy Warhol over your work desk.  (Thank you Art Department.)

Accomplished: Tuesday, August 21, 2012.

Half-credit: Poster of Ken Bergen.

Extra-credit: Poster of Phil Straffin.

#63: Break at least one of Muscatine, Iowa's rules.

Accomplished: Almost 2 years ago.

No-credit: Smoking.

Extra-credit: Matty J breaks the rules with you.

#64: Count with The Count.

Accomplished: Many times before, but with some sadness on Thursday, August 23, 2012.

#65: Celebrate your development as a professional after three weeks of professional development with Hot Cheetos and Takis.

Accomplished: Friday, August 24, 2012.

Half-credit: Booty Pop.

Extra-credit: Actually snack on some Hot Cheetos and Takis while you're singing along. (Cheddar Jalapeno Cheetos count.)

#66: Run in a race with Joe Cardillo and (World Record Holder) Zac Freudenberg.

Accomplished: Saturday, June 2, 2007.

Half-credit: Zac doesn't take a wrong turn.

Extra-credit: Anthony Johannes and Derek Allen, too.

100 Extra Points: 100/100.

#67: Track a tropical depression/storm or hurricane.

Accomplished: Most storms and most recently on Sunday, August 26, 2012.

Half-credit: Your friend stops talking to you after landfall.

Extra-credit: Your friend starts talking to you after landfall.

1000 Things To Do Before You Die: #60, #61

#60: Visit your local Kroger to discover bagger extraordinaire Michael playing guitar and singing to the customers.

Accomplished: Sunday, August 19, 2012.

Half-credit: Piggly Wiggly.

Extra-credit: Have cash to place in his tip jar. (Or remember while checking out that you could request cash back and use that for his tip jar.)


#61: Decorate your classroom with a poster of Meret Oppenheim's Le Déjeuner en fourrure.

Accomplished: Monday, August 20, 2012.

Half-credit: Hang in there, Baby.

Extra-credit: Marcel Duchamp's Fountain.

1000 Things To Do Before You Die: #55 - #59

#55: Turn in your college transcripts to your employer and receive a higher salary because of it.

Accomplished: Wednesday, August 15, 2012.

Half-credit: "It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out those aren't the transcripts we're talking about." - Ron Nortier.

Extra-credit: PhD. (or you're actually a rocket scientist)


#56: Help the high school art department unpack and help arrange their rooms.  Free lunch included.

Accomplished: Thursday, August 16, 2012.

Half-credit: The movers didn't break the wheels off the heavy items.

Extra-credit: Eckburg takes you to lunch with GWAR.


#57: Compare a high school's super shrill fire alarm that keeps going off every few minutes to Harrison Bergeron.

Accomplished: Friday, August 17, 2012.

Half-credit: Your principal is Diana Moon Glampers.

Extra-credit: Forget sad things.


#58: Get inspired by Iceland.

Accomplished: Saturday, August 18, 2012.

Extra-credit: Get inspired in Iceland.

(Warning to sensitive viewers or people at work: naked butt in video.)

1000 Things To Do Before You Die: #54

#54: Cry.

Accomplished: Yes.

1000 Things To Do Before You Die: #47 - #53

#47: Congratulate a friend on becoming a first time father.

Accomplished: Tuesday, August 7, 2012.

Zero-credit: "Like it" on Facebook.

Half-credit: "+1" on Google+.

Extra-credit: Have an actual (real) (personal) interaction with your friend.

#48: Suggest baby names.

Accomplished: Wednesday, August 8, 2012.

Half-credit: Alex Morgan Wambach Solskjaer Owenby.  Erica Cantona Owenby.

Extra-credit: Eloise.


#49: Watch a US Women's soccer game.

Accomplished: Thursday, August 9, 2012.

Half-credit: Men's.

Extra-credit: Remind a Canadian they could have won a gold medal if their goalie hadn't held onto the ball for sooooooo long.


#50: Attend a meeting and get trained on how to register for the mandatory professional development training provided by your employer one day after the training has ended.

Accomplished: Friday, August 10, 2012.

Half-credit: You don't wait (alone) in the room 15 minutes for the meeting to start.

Extra-credit: You were informed (via email, phone call, letter, smoke signal) the meeting had been moved up an hour.


#51: Jump off a cliff.

Accomplished: A few times, but most recently ~1 year ago.

Half-credit: No Matty J, Davo, or Anthony to jump with you.

Extra-credit: Back 2.5 somersault with 2.5 twists.

#52: See a moose.

Accomplished: A few times, but most recently ~1 year ago.

Half-credit: No Matty J, Davo, Anthony, or Nico to witness it with you.

Extra-credit: Boris with Moose and Squirrel.

#53: Discover your school placed a camera in your room instead of the In-School-Suspension room.

Accomplished: Monday, August 13, 2012.

Half-credit: Not an accident.

Extra-credit: An accident.

1000 Things To Do Before You Die: #44 - #46

#44: Attend a Houston Dynamo game.

Accomplished: Friday, August 3, 2012.

Half-credit: Alexi Lalas (sings).

Extra-credit: Penalty kicks awarded in rapid succession for time wasting and hand ball. (USA USA USA.)

#45: Visit Shakespeare's Pub in Houston, Texas.

Accomplished: A few times.  Latest on Friday/Saturday, August 3/4, 2012.

Half-credit: Hot mic.

Extra-credit: Dr. Black (your English teacher from high school) is still the bar owner.

#46: Develop as a professional by attending training provided by your employer.

Accomplished: Monday, August 6, 2012.

Half-credit: No sarcasm.

Extra-credit: You were informed ahead of time that the June training was cancelled ergo you didn't have to suddenly switch summer plans.  Plus the money saved on not returning to Texas from Wisconsin (remember: in this scenario you're aware training has been cancelled) could actually be saved.

(The silver lining from the Amtrak trip I took to attend the training that had been cancelled will be a future Thing.)




[Also: Sunday's accomplishment can be replaced by #41, #42, or #43.  Your choice.  I had one too many during that time period if my idea is to only accomplish one Thing per day.]

1000 Things To Do Before You Die: #41-#43

Due to a scratched cornea, I spent Wednesday and Thursday avoiding the use of my right eye.  Hiding in dark rooms is not conducive to Uncle Alex moments, so I'll reminisce.

#41: Take in the view from the bell tower of Eaton Chapel on the Beloit College campus.

Accomplished: Yes.

Half-credit: You aren't accompanied by Kobe Snyder.

Extra-credit: No pigeon poop.

#42: Play 24 hours of Frisbee Golf.

Accomplished: Yes.  Twice.

Half-credit: No Tom (Eaux)wenby or Joe Hall.

Extra-credit: Beloit College isn't applying pesticide to the grass while you're playing.



#43: Get a ride home from Brian Bjurstrom and Joe Cardillo after a canoe trip.

Accomplished: Yes.

Half-credit: The vehicle is not the Bunz-B.

Extra-credit: The canoe is properly tied down to the top of the vehicle.

1000 Things To Do Before You Die: #40

#40: Revisit Cairo, Illinois and Big Tim's Citgo in Trenton, Tennessee and make an additional stop at Hatchie National Wildlife Refuge.

Accomplished: Tuesday, July 31, 2012.

Half-credit: Big Tim and/or Shelby aren't at Big Tim's Citgo.

Extra-credit: Have a second water bottle to offer the hitchhiker working his way south on Tennessee 76.

Nico at the Mississippi/Ohio confluence.  We did not see the ghost of Grant. 

1000 Things To Do Before You Die: #39

#39: Drive Highway 51 from Rockford, Illinois to Carbondale, Illinois.

Accomplished: Monday, July 30, 2012.

Half-credit: Bury my body out on Highway 51. (Curtis Jones/Bob Dylan reference, but seriously, if I should die baby before my time, don't bury my body on 51 highway.)

Extra-credit: The Chestnut Cafe is open and serving Ho-Made Pies.

(Added note: Perhaps adding meaning to Ho-Made Pies, the Chestnut Cafe in De Soto, Illinois is approximately equidistant from De Soto's north US 51 adult dancing establishment The Gallery and De Soto's south US 51 adult dancing establishment Club Coyote.)

1000 Things To Do Before You Die: #38

#38: Play Monopoly with Eckburg, Jason Busack, and Matt McKay.

Accomplished: Sunday, July 29, 2012.

Half-credit: You finish the game without a single argument taking place.

Extra-credit: You're able to get Eckburg to make a trade that might benefit someone else.

(Added note: Eckburg was offered $2112 and a Get Out Of Jail Free card for Baltic Avenue.  He refused.)